Are there any good movies today?

Has anyone seen any good movies lately? I have not. I love Redbox but lately it's not even worth the $1.50. I think that the last good one was Captain Phelps but I don't know if I have ever seen Tom Hanks in a bad movie.

I remember years ago when I was living on the Upper East side, I came home from Montauk late at night. I rounded the corner to my block and it was all blocked off with fire trucks and police and I could see smoke coming from a building near my apartment. I think I was 23, so this way before being smart enough to purchase renters insurance, so I had a bit of a melt down that I had lost everything in a fire. Then, as I walked closer, I could see this spot light shining down on the street and I was wondering why all these normal clothed people were hanging around with walkie-talkies...well, it then clicked that they were filming on my street for the movie 15 Minutes and all of this was just a movie set. I told myself I better pay more attention next time to all the fliers and signs on the street so I don't have a heart attack from a non-existent fire. And yes, that was another movie that was a big fail.

I truly believe reality TV has ruined the movie industry as well - everyone gets excited for movies like Sharknado 2 - really?? Ugh - I guess I am way too old for this generation. My top five movies of all time are: The Graduate (hello, Mrs. Robinson!), Seven (I love that it is Gwyneth's head), Predator (long story), The Strangers (my husband haunts me with this movie every Halloween), and Love Actually (yes, corny but LOVE it).

Let me know if you've seen anything good lately - I am in dire need of a good movie.

I like to spend money

I thought that if I moved away from NYC I would not have my shopping disease - but I still do. It may be a little different - no more gowns, $22 drinks, ridiculous bags and shoes - but man, is it easy buying online these days.

Sometimes I will be in the hallway and go, I need...and I go to my computer and login to my go-to online store - http://www.amazon.com - when you have the prime account and most everything ships for free the next day, why wouldn't I go there? I wish I liked people more but Costco freaks me out - I think it's the parking lot more than anything - no one knows how to park and they are all too busy looking for a parking spot that I have had to dodge a few cars - no thank you. So now I just order that stuff online as well - toilet paper in bulk - no problem, diapers in bulk - no problem. Although it is a bit embarrassing when you get home and there is a big Charmin box on your front porch. Oh well. My husband has gotten to the point that he is surprised when there isn't an amazon box on our porch.

The other site that is great for when you have little ones is http://www.zulilly.com - I buy so many things from there because stupid me downloaded the App on my phone. When I am bored - I don't play games on my phone - I go to this site to see what the deal of the day is. It is such unique, fun things for my son - and I've even bought myself some cool things as well. It is not cheap quality so it is not dirt cheap but well worth it. The only issue is that the shipping takes quite a long time and then I forgot that I bought something and then when it comes - I am like when did I buy this? But some can say it is a bit like Christmas then...ha!

My husband and I have been talking about me taking a year off next year but I need to save money in order to do so and so far with these two sites I may be working for the next 20 years...ugh. But at least it is no longer booze I am spending money on like I did in my 20's - it's toilet paper!

Monday and I am actually happy

I love when you have a great weekend - Monday morning doesn't seem so bad. Plus it is sunny outside so  -- double my happiness.

Well I made it through the week without crying about not being able to attend the family reunion, now I know I made the right choice by staying home. I just have such fond memories of Montauk and some great stories. Montauk used to be the tiny little fishing town - my dad said it is all NYC young kids now, so maybe it is better to remember how great a place is opposed to finding out how much it has changed (not for the better).

I lived in NYC and my friend Jenny and I would hop on a train or take the Jitney out to Montauk every weekend and stay with either my Aunt Maureen or Aunt Mary (yes, freeloaders!) One weekend, a friend of ours invited us to a party on the Beach in Amagansett and we went. There were all these women running around with their tops off - and my friend Jenny said, "ugh, look at these chicks, watch this - I'm going to go bottomless..." And she did, and if you know Jenny - it was quite amusing and funny. I bet everyone who was there still talks about it to this day - I know I do.

I think it was that same weekend that we decided to go out for a walk on the beach at night and we were with our friend Jon. There were all these kids down there with bomb fires and we heard - "ew, old people." Of course we turned around and started to look for these "old people" - come to find out we were the OLD PEOPLE!! I think we were 29 or something like that. Can't imagine walking down there now - they'd think I was a senior citizen.

I will always love Montauk and I do hope I get to share that magical place with my son soon but right now my home and life is in Seattle. It may be a little boring but it is where my heart is and of course the loves of life. I will always have stories - and I've got a million of them.

Missing my family

This week is my family reunion in Montauk, NY. I had purchased the airline tickets for myself, my husband and my one year old son back in February. I also rented a house with my parents and brother and his family which is not cheap in the summer. I have not seen my extended family since 2009 (my first marriage) and was very excited to see everyone.

I live in Seattle and it is only me that lives here regarding family so it can be very lonely especially with a new baby. I am from the East Coast and life on the west is so different and sometimes I struggle - I am not always PC or aware that I am upsetting someone's feelings - I guess its all those years living in NYC where you had to be tough to survive. So I don't have the closest friends here and I think people do need to know you when you were in your 20s to really know you and I wasn't living here. Well, I had no clue my husband would be dead set against our son getting on a plane at a year old. I fought and cried about it and let's just say I lost or gave up fighting. It breaks my heart but I don't think my husband will ever understand what my family means to me. They took care of me when I lived in NYC - they were my safe haven when things were too overwhelming in the city - he doesn't have that closeness to his family. I love my aunts, my uncles, all of my cousins, my grandmother and then all of their friends. I think one of the biggest reasons I wanted to go is that I wanted him to see what he's been keeping me and our son from. I will always be East Coast but I married a West Coaster who doesn't like to fly!

So this week I am living through FB posts and hoping my family will Photoshop me and my son in all the pictures. Maybe next year we will take the time and DRIVE cross-country. It was very hard for me to not take my son and run but I realized I would eventually have to come home...not worth that!

There's something around your shoe

I must be getting old - everything hurts this morning. I can't move my shoulder or my neck and all I want to do is pop painkillers to make it go away. Unfortunately I can't do that because I work at a corporation and I then have to take care of a one year old. Although being sore (from NOT working out) and being tired (I have a child that refuses to sleep at night) has made my brain turn to mush. I swear at least once a week I forget to zip up my pants and I walk around the halls like HELLO. And I think it would be more often if I didn't wear dresses the four other days of the week. It does remind me of one of the funniest stories I heard from a friend of mine many years ago - thankfully it was about her not me...

Jenny back in the day was a big publicist but I big partier - I think those two go hand in hand - well she woke up late one morning and needed to be at work by 9 so she grabbed a pair of pants that were on her floor and a shirt she found. She walked 20 blocks and then got on a subway - went to a meeting where she had to present. She said during her presentation to these two men, they were constantly giggling and thought she had seen tears come out of one of the guys eyes. She wasn't sure if it was her presentation but she didn't think she was that funny. After she was done and was headed to go back to her office, one of the guys pulls her aside and said, "Look down". As she did, she saw a pair of her underwear wrapped around her shoe. How Jenny is, she said - "well thank goodness it isn't a pair of my period underwear!" She said of course she was mortified and ran to her office and sat in a chair and laughed to herself and thought I walked, got on a subway - how long have those things been wrapped around there??

So I guess we all have stupid things that happen - let's just say I always check my pants for dirty underpants!

Happy Friday

Funny how a day can make a difference in your life. Feeling so much better than the other day when everyone and everything seemed to crash down at once. Maybe because today is Friday??? haha.

As you can tell, not focusing on what I should be - which is work - but I guess everyone is allowed to float off into space for 30 minutes during the day. Plus, now that I am a 40 year old mom, nice not to do something. I never thought lazy me would be able to accomplish what I have done in the past 20 years. In my mind, I am pretty successful, have a great man in my life that does love me unconditionally (yes, I drive him crazy quite often too), have a little boy that I never thought I would ever have and great parents (and brother). I have to always remember those things when I get down. Funny I was reading about post partem and did not know one of the side effects is anger. I now think I had post Partem depression because I can't tell you how much anger and anxiety I had when I went back to work. I would cry in my closet they supplied me to pump milk - and I just thought it was from being tired - but I was so angry as well. I hated everyone and everything - I thought it was the job but I once I stopped breast feeding - my whole anxiousness went away...I did, also change jobs...haha.

Sleep...

This sleep deprivation thing is catching up to me. I thought at 4 months, Chase not sleeping was the norm but now that he is getting to be almost 14 months and still waking up several times a night - it's getting old. I love that kid like nothing else but his momma is getting tired. I work 40 hours a week, I try to cook and clean and do other things like take Chase for walks after work or play on the playground - but the energy level is getting low. I now know why people have children in their 20's because getting 5 hours a sleep every day is not fun. Last night I think I got 2 hours - I honestly have great respect for single moms.

I guess yesterday when I was getting home from work a plane flew over and Chase pointed and said plane. He doesn't really say much so I was so bummed I missed that. So I am struggling with missing all these moments because I work but can I just stay home and not earn my own keep? I don't know these days...

Speaking of planes, so tragic about the missile hitting the passenger plane yesterday. Scares me that Chase may not be raised in the same type of world I was brought up in. Yes, there was always fighting in the middle east and yes, I was in NYC when 9/11 occurred - but this feels so different. I honestly don't believe we are the powerhouse we used to be and things are changing.

Blah days

Do you ever just want to quit? Do a "Calgon take me away"? Well I am having one of those days and everything seems to be going wrong. I want to run away from it all (except my child). I live so far away from everyone that knows me and loves me that I am struggling to stay strong and "happy". I know my life is supposed to revolve around my little family but I need more in my life. And recently, I have found out that I am not making one of the two people that are in my life happy - which is heartbreaking for me because to me I give 150% of myself and give up on things I know I shouldn't.
I do really want to know where my backbone went and how other women get their husbands to move so they are closer to their families. Mine won't even let me go on vacation with my child to see mine. Ridiculous if you ask everyone - but I don't know how to say I am going and there is nothing you can do about it.

And then there is work...I think about not working, but I have never not worked and not sure how my mind would react - or my husband for that matter. I know taking care of a child is a big commitment and will take up my time, but will I be happy? A few months back I thought if I changed jobs  - maybe that would make me happy - but honestly, it hasn't. Yes, I am learning new things but I am not excited for what I do. I know a very small percentage of people "love what they do" but I wanted to at least "like" working. My mind just goes back to the little boy that I dropped off this morning who didn't want to let go of me. Makes me wonder if I am doing the right thing with my life.

I know I am not the only one that goes through this on a daily basis, but today was just one of those really crushing days. I know I am lucky to have the life I have and I should be thankful - which I am - but I wish I had a little fire left.

From the beginning

So the truth - no, I was never a real rock star but if you asked me in 2002, my ego would have said YES.  I moved to NYC when I was 23, or to age myself, in 1997. My friend Allison had gotten a job in NYC and she needed a roommate - I, was in, but my dad - not so much since my parents had to be our guarantor. He said no, I cried and 24 hours later, I got a yes. If only husbands worked liked dads (we will get to that reference later).

And so the journey to becoming a "rock star" began. I think my young, poor as poor days were the best years living in the city. Allison and I moved into an apartment on the upper east side with an air mattress (my bed), a futon (her bed) and another roommate who thankfully had a couch and a tv. Allison would mock me all the time about my bed - "you know if there is a flood, you'll be safe and can just float away" - I guess she was so fancy with her used futon!! We did also bring in a green chair from off the street to really step up our apartment. I still can't believe Al and I carried it up five flights of stairs (oh yes, did I mention five story walk-up) and that was one of our prized pieces of furniture.

I was a very sheltered child, my parents did about everything for me so I never really had to grow a backbone and just do it myself. When I moved to NY, it was a tough first couple of months. I needed to get a job and I had to take the subway. After my interview I took the subway to uptown and all of a sudden it became an express - I ended up in Harlem. I didn't know that I could walk across the platform and take it back downtown so instead I started walking home - one of the scariest walks home ever. I would get lost all the time and I would go to a pay phone and call Allison (before cell phones) - I remember one time I was so lost in West Village and she said "figure it out" and hung up on me. I spent so much money on cabs that first year, see how well I figured it out. But I did grow up and that city made me strong and I will always be thankful for it.

We had a deli on the corner from our apartment that made the best chicken sandwiches - not sure if I went back today I would still think that since we always ate them at 4 am. We had some great stories that came from that deli and the Bear Bar that was next door. Back in those days NY still had ladies night and Allison and I would map out ladies nights throughout the city - hey, free food and booze. The young and poor days were fun and very far from the life I would lead there is just a few short years. I will continue the story soon...