Second Chance

So sad about Robin Williams - he made everyone else laugh but he could never make himself happy. I went through a bout of depression many years ago and it was hard to get out of that dark hole. I surrounded myself by negative people and wanted to be anything but myself. No matter how hard I tried to please others, I could never make myself smile. I spent a lot of money on material things thinking if I just had this bag - I would be happy, but "things" don't make up for what you are lacking in life.
I seriously had to hit rock bottom to realize everything that I did have in life. I did go to a mental hospital for 3 days because I didn't know what else to do. I quickly got over myself when I was surrounded by people that were truly mentally ill - I knew I did not belong there and that my life has been truly blessed. I need to take what I had and give back.
I think it took several steps - I had to admit to my parents I was in debt from living outside my lifestyle in New York City, I had to get over the fact that I no longer was living in New York and was now living on the west coast, and that I was 31 and needed to grow up. A big help was my older brother was living here and he and his wife were kind and took me in and gave me something I thought I would never want - a feeling that I could be a mom. They had a two year old at the time and she made my life worth something. She was my little buddy and playmate. Plus I started to meet some good people (positive) that introduced me to great charities and fun events. I started playing softball, going out more and paying off that debt.
I am lucky, I was given a second chance to change - change my behavior and attitude towards life and I try to appreciate it and appreciate all that I have been given by giving back. To me, giving is so much better than receiving. I just wonder sometimes why I was given this chance and others were not. I am thankful every day because today I am happy.

Technology - lost without it today

This is day two of not having my work email or access to all my documents. To say the least, painful. I am trying to keep myself busy but everything leads back to my desktop and I can't help anyone with anything because I can't get to it.

I grew up in the late 70s and 80s - so I did not grow up with computers so why is it my life now revolves around them? I look at my niece who is 10 and she already has an iPhone - I am trying to remember what I even had at 10 - a bike? My parents were parents that let us watch TV and we even had HBO and Cinemax. I think we also had Intellivision as our game system and later my brother got Atari but that wasn't until late 80s. We were hip!

I remember my brother had tons of tapes and you would have to sit and rewind to your favorite song and rewind again to hear it again - and then have to hit fast forward because you went too far back. And the best was recording music off the radio - the quality was so crappy but you got to hear your favorite songs. Let's not even talk about MTV - I would dance to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" every time it came on. I also had the Walkman and the tiny radio with ear phones. Even when I moved to NYC I used a radio to walk to work with - I would listen to Howard Stern in the morning and laugh all 2 miles. I would pass people - and they would say - are you listening to Howard Stern? He was funny back then when he was on the radio - I think that's why I pay for Sirius today.

And yes, I did get the first edition iPod - all 10 lbs of it. I don't even know if people really buy those anymore but I still have several because I had bought the Bose systems that go with the iPod (not the 5 series with the new outlet). They still work but do not play nicely with my Air book so my music is probably 7 years old that is on it. Thankfully I grew up with hippies and most of that music came from the 60's and 70's so I am not listening to horrible 2007 songs.

Ok, I have to figure out who my next meeting is with and what conference room I am supposed to be in. I guess I will go back to a paper calendar after this slight incident. I am so lost this week!

Hoping to find some brain cells in Vancouver, BC

Why can't I remember things like I used to? For example, I swear that my passport expired at the end of this year but my husband and I are planning a trip to Vancouver, BC and I go to get my passport and states EXP. 2013. I always was on top of things like that before. Now instead of going in a few weeks, I have to wait awhile for things to come in the mail. And because I need to change my name, I can't do one of those quick turnaround ones. Oh well - just makes for a grumpy husband.

Another thing is taxes - I would always go Feb. 15th and then I get married and I have an extension on it this year. Trying to get all my husband's information is like pulling teeth. I don't know why he is such a slacker on it - maybe because I forget to remind him when I should be.

I had more brain cells when I lived in NYC and drank every day - I am telling you having a one year old that likes to wake up 4 to 8 times a night is killing what I have left of brain cells. I have one of those kids that doesn't nap either. I remember people saying sleep when your baby sleeps - what 20 mins is supposed to make up for the 3 hours a sleep a day? Some days I am lucky I show up to work with pants on.

I think for a month now I have been trying to bring my little tea pot to work so I don't have to walk 1000 yards to get more hot water. Mommy needs caffeine!! I even stared at it this morning on my kitchen counter - but I had to remember my child, so I forgot the teapot.

If it wasn't for post-it notes (yes, I still use those) - my work life would be a disaster. I post things every where or add things to my calendar to constantly remind me. People are probably wondering why I have so many private appointments during the day but there is no way I am letting people read that I need to remember to eat. Actually that isn't one I have to put on there - I ALWAYS remember to eat.

Back to Vancouver and Vancouver Island. I have been many times to Vancouver and have done the normal touristy things - Stanley Park, Dim Sum, etc. But do people have suggestions that are outside of the box or because they live there, know of secret things? And I have never been to Vancouver Island but I hear it is beautiful this time of year. Do people have suggestions for me - and yes, I will write them down on my post-it notes so I don't forget!

South Africa - most amazing place

A couple of years ago my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I have everything I want material wise - I have my own money so I can buy it on my own. So I had asked him to surprise me with a great vacation...boy did he do a good job.


On Christmas morning we always head over to his parents house that is about 2 hours away and leave our gifts under the tree for just us to open later. We spend most of the day with his parents exchanging gifts and having dinner than we head back to our house. He first had me open a poster - it was a bunch of animals and I thought am I 5? And then he handed me a bunch of books on South Africa. I was so excited.


We used miles to get to London from Seattle so we could do the first class thing and get some sleep on the way. We stayed in London for a few days to get our bodies adjusted to the time difference and to take in some of the atmosphere. It is funny I hadn't been there in about 7 years and everything seemed exactly the same. Although I dragged my husband to some of the "IT" restaurants that I would go to in my 20s and they were just expensive NOT good. The best meal we had was in the international district for some real Chinese food - my husband still talks about that meal.


From London, we took a 12 hour flight to Cape Town. We used all of our miles to get to London so we had to pay for these tickets. I looked at first class and they were $5K a piece and nothing was available in business class. I told my husband, I am not spending $10K on two plane tickets. Well, I think this was the smallest plane in history and my poor husband is NOT a small man (tall wise) and he was absolutely miserable for the entire flight - and he had two seats because the plane was somewhat empty. Let's just say on the way back we ate some money and upgraded.


I wasn't looking forward to Cape Town - I just thought it would be some dirty city with nothing to do - I was so wrong. I think it was one of my favorite places I've ever been to. There is Table Mountain - our hotel room window faced it and it was so magnificent and beautiful. There are great beaches and wineries that we visited, swimming with the sharks (cages, but um - no way for me) and AMAZING food. And I think some people say or think it is unsafe but we took the train out to see the Penguins at this cute little town and took the train back with no problems. Yes, we were in bed by 10 because of the time difference but never did I feel unsafe. I think one of the best things we did was hop on one of those red buses to do a tour because we got to see the other side of the mountain which was even more beautiful. I really can't say enough about Cape Town - I would go again in a heartbeat.


We then went to Mauritius - I am a beach girl and wanted the beach, actually begged for the beach. We couldn't afford Seychelles so we read this was very close to it. We rented a car thinking, oh we will drive around the island and take it all in. We landed at night and to this day I have no clue how we got to the resort and so thankful we didn't end upside down in a sugar cane field. We tried to venture out one day and my husband drove for 10 minutes in complete misery and turned to me and said "I can't do this!" He's a big tough guy so you can only imagine how bad it was. People walking everywhere, cars making it 3 lanes opposed to 2, wild dogs running every where and driving on the wrong side of the road with round-abouts every 5 minutes. So we were stuck on a resort for 5 days - and I had to admit was my least favorite part of the trip.


We then flew into Johannesburg for one day/one night - seemed quite nice opposed to what I had been told but we did not stay out after dark. The food we had was wonderful and the people seemed friendly as well.


Then came the best part of the trip - our safari at Londolozi - I still cannot believe I got to go do this - the place was out of a dream and the food, people, hospitality - superb. My husband and I ended up with a great couple the first couple of days - and we got to see the big 5 within 24 hours. I will always recommend this place to my friends and family and will forever be grateful to my husband for the best surprise.

I just hope with Ebola that people will still dare to travel to S. Africa and see what this place has to offer. One day I hope to travel back with my son to show him what a big world we do live in and how many different creatures exist.

My Brother

Weird how your day can totally change in a single minute. Today wasn't bad - everyone at work had gone to a baseball game and my boss was at a conference so it was a good day at the office. I came home early to take a nap. When I woke up my sister-in-law had texted that my brother tested positive for skin cancer and today he went in to get a bigger chunk out to see if it is melanoma. It is 50/50 chance of being melanoma. My older brother has always taken care of me and now my world just stood still.
I have been spoiled with an older brother who has taken me in when I needed places to live - once when I just graduated college and wasn't sure what I wanted to do and then when I was older and lost. I needed to move out of the city and I didn't know where to go - his wife and him welcomed me with open arms. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be in Seattle now with a wonderful husband and a little boy.
I need to think positive thoughts and hope for the best. I love my brother and he is such a good brother, son, father and husband. Please pray for him.

Dairy and Cigarettes

I remember in my 20s I wouldn't eat dairy at all. I was actually a pain to go out to eat with because I didn't eat this or that and I also had allergies (shellfish and later tomatoes). I was told that dairy builds up mucus and I was running quite often so didn't think those two should go hand in hand. I remember going out with one of my guy friends to dinner and I was like, I don't eat this, I don't like that, etc., etc. and he said to me - you will never get married or even hold a boyfriend for more than 5 minutes if this is how you are going to be. You need to relax about food and enjoy yourself and stop complaining - no man wants to listen to that.


So when I turned 30 - I quit running and picked up ice cream. I also picked up a bad habit - not for very long - but still a horrible habit of smoking. In NYC they were going through changing the laws of smoking inside. I did not smoke but all the COOL people did. So you would be out at a bar or a club and everyone that you wanted to hang out with was outside smoking. I ended up doing the - "if you can't beat them, join them" thing and started smoking.


I was always a great athlete and when I would go home to visit my parents, I would go out with some of my high school buddies. I would then pull out my pack of cigarettes and they would go - I can't believe you smoke, that is disgusting. I smoked for a little over a year it wasn't until I took a trip to Sweden that made me stop. My friend Kat and I were both smokers - we had shared a room due to the price of pretending to be rich and staying at a nice hotel - and we would get notes from the maids to stop smoking in the room. Yes, we were bad. The last night we were there we found this cool little restaurant/club and we sat there from 10 am to 2 am - I think I had a carton of cigarettes that day. The next morning we had to catch a plane back to the states early. I woke up feeling like a cigarette myself and I have to say I don't think I have ever felt worse in my life...and from that day forward I have never smoked another cigarette. Maybe that is the cure - smoke a carton in a day and you'll never want to smoke again!


This post was supposed to be about how much I love dairy and ice cream but turned into something else! My husband does make jokes about me and ice cream. For someone who didn't eat dairy for 5 years - I am sure making up for it. The best flavor is Caramel Sutra - chocolate, vanilla and down the center is caramel...YUM! I don't know which is worse - my pint of ice cream or 10 cigarettes...I know I was a lot thinner when I smoked! (I am kidding I know smoking is horrible for your health).

Decisions

Just as I started to get a routine and some sleep, my husband and I had the conversation about having another child. I am in agreement with him that our son should have a sibling because when we are gone - who does he have? We are older so it won't be like how I grew up - I still have one of my grandmothers and I am 41. Our son will be lucky if his parents are both alive when he's 41.

Getting prepared to do it over again is a bit frightening. I did not mind being pregnant but I had it easy the first time. It was the breastfeeding and trying to work at the same time that was extremely hard on me. I already told my husband, this child will unfortunately not be breastfed as long as our first - that's the biggest thing I struggled with. And yes, you have to give up food during pregnancy but I found breastfeeding was 10x harder - my son was not happy with half of the things I would eat and so I think my diet was down to bread.

I am a bit afraid of being a stay at home mom as well, I was excited to take a year off next year but my husband said, if we have another - it will most likely be four years. Four years of not being in the work force is a long time - what would I go back and do? I am so afraid of how fast technology is changing that I would be so far out of the "know" that no one would want to hire a stay at home mom. And I have been used to being paid a pretty high salary - so going from that to $0 is scaring me.

I know that being older this time around will be a bit more difficult to get pregnant so I can't get all my ducks in a row thinking this is how it is going to be but I want to be prepared if it does happen. I may look to do 20 hours a week job after the first year just so I have some life - but the pay has to be more than I pay someone to watch my children...I guess I have over a year to figure it all out. I am just thankful that I can have this option in my life.

When did things start to get so expensive?

Why are jeans so expensive? I typically spend on the average $125 per pair which is absolutely absurd. Yes, I still buy them and have probably 30 pairs - but when did jeans become the "IT" thing to buy? When I was growing up it was either Lees or Levis - oh and Vidal Sasson if you were really cool. I think my mom would spend maybe $20 on a pair in the 80s. Then Calvin Klein came along and Gap and the cost went up to $45...but then when I was about 26 they all skyrocketed to be over $100.

I would start wearing my "fancy" jeans to work and if someone made a comment, I would say - um, these cost more than your entire outfit so shush it. But I felt I had to wear them because I did spend so much money on them.

And then next came the yoga pants. Lululemon, yes I love thee, but really $135 for a pair of pants that I supposed to work out in? They do last a long time but I do feel guilty every time I buy a pair because I know how much I really work out...

And when did white t-shirts start costing $35 - I use to buy them for $5! I think that's why I still love Old Navy because if you hit one of those sales - man you can get a bathing suit, flip flops and a fleece for $25. Yes, it will fall apart in a few months but for summer gear that you just go through, that's fine by me.

I think all those years of living in NYC caught up to me - all that money I wasted buying expensive things and not having anything to show for it has turned me into a whiny lady. When I moved to Seattle I was so excited for Target because I couldn't believe I didn't have to pay $8 for a four roll thing of toilet paper. Then I discovered TJ Maxx - wow, I love that store.

Sorry I am ranting about clothing today, I had to buy my 1 year old a pair of sneakers today and went into shock when I had to pay $35 for something he'll probably wear for a month. I don't even know if I pay $35 for a pair of my own shoes (TJ Maxx!!)